“We Will Be Faithful in the Waiting”
Numb.....Angry....Hopeful.....Longing.....Excited.....Thankful....
Sad....Expectant....Distant from God.....Floating....Prayerful to God....Crying.....Isolated....STUCK
This May, we would have been in the adoption process for two
and a half years and “waiting” for two of those years. So many people have
asked us this question “So have you heard anything?” I love and hate this
question. I love it because it lets me know that people really do care about
what is going on in our lives. I hate it because I have to continue to tell
people “We are stuck.”
Mother’s Day, albeit a great day to recognize moms and all
of the other women who have taken us in as their children, is a day that
reminds me how I haven’t started my family yet. Originally, when we started the
adoption process, I embodied the whole “I am a mom that is planning to have a
child.” Now, the way I (and Joel) feel about our adoption process is like this
list….and several of these emotions could occur in the same day.
People want to help us, so they try to tell us things that
will make us feel better. Don’t get me wrong-I am not angry about this….there
are plenty of times in which I have said the wrong thing at the wrong time, so
I need grace just like the next person.
These are some of the things we have heard:
1. Don’t lose hope-just be faithful
2. It’s God’s timing.
3. Well it could take a while right?
4. Other people have waited too.
5. Just be patient-God’s going to give you that baby.
This is the problem-we know the truth. We are so keenly
aware of it that it makes our reality so much more painful. We know that God is
going to design our family in a way that will glorify Him. We know that we will
at some point start our family. The reason why those statements are, at times,
painful is because we don’t need a reminder about what God can do….we need a
healthy space to confess that we are struggling with it. We need people to help
us stand in that gap between the truth and the reality because standing in that
gap by ourselves is a lonely place. And when we struggle with these statements,
we then feel guilty because “hey if our faith and trust in God was stronger, we
wouldn’t be struggling.” It makes us question our Christianity, if we are
“good” Christians, or if we are just weak and should stop whining and deal with
it. We understand that we aren’t the only ones hurting right now about a life situation.
One of the reasons why we have been able to walk in this
journey is because so many people are standing with us. What has meant the most
to us have been statements that include the pronoun “we” and the conjunction
“with.”
“We are praying with you.”
“We are hurting with you.”
“We can’t wait until you get your baby so we can love it
too.”
My friend Kayci sent me a facebook message Saturday night,
letting me know that she was thinking about me because of Mother’s Day. Something
that she said really stuck with me. “I pray alongside you that you’ll receive a
baby, but until that day we will be faithful in the waiting.”
God’s awesome right? Remaining faithful is a weekly struggle
for us. What a reminder. Knowing that there are those who will stand alongside
us, help us remain faithful, and may possibly even struggle with us is
HUGE. Several people have reached out to
me and Joel regarding Mother’s Day, checking in on us, posting on Facebook
(gotta love my sister)! We are thankful for the love and support of our family
and friends. EVERY positive, supportive, prayerful, “feel free to vent because
I love you anyways and won’t judge you” moment is appreciated and welcomed.
For people who are going through this journey alone, I have
no idea how you do it. That’s God-sized love for people to step into our mess,
help us walk through it, and love our baby with us (possibly even before God
has created it). What helps us get through this journey is people sharing this
God-sized love with us.
One of the things I have heard from people is “I want to
help those who are adopting and fostering but I don’t know what to do.” Here’s
the “short and skinny” advice-Engage in their lives, get to know them, and walk
life with them. Stand in the gap with them so when people like us are
struggling you are there to help them walk down the path. Help them keep the
fight, run the race, and be faithful even in the face of emptiness.
Last Mother’s Day was really hard for us. We had just had a
failed opportunity for a match. I couldn’t really look at Facebook for 3 days because I knew
everyone would be posting pictures of their families….when I didn’t have one. I
had a hard time talking about it because I couldn’t emotionally convey how hurt
I was about a child that I had already grown to love. I knew that I would never be able
to share that love with that little girl because she had awesome parents who
will do that for her.
This Mother’s Day was sad, but it was easier. It’s because
God has given us strength through the love of others. It’s because the longer
we are in this journey, the more support we get. Our strength grows as our
circle of support widens.
