Constantly ready but ever patient....

It has been a crazy summer! Haven't blogged in a really long time. So many things have happened with us over the summer, especially taking care of our house! At the end of July, we were approved and put on the "waiting families" list for Christian Homes and Family Services. You can check out our profile at www.christianhomes.com, go to the unplanned pregnancy tab, then click on waiting families. Scroll down toward the bottom and you will see us!

So what is next? Many people have been asking me "so any baby news?" In regard to the general adoption, we will have one more fundraiser. Details will be forthcoming! After we finish up some projects around the house, we will start working on the nursery. We have the basics-a crib, mattress, couple of sheets, and 3 outfits. Those combined with our travel system and we can pick up diapers on the way to the hospital! 

Back when we were completing our paperwork, one of the main things I said to myself was "This has got to be the hardest part. The waiting will be easy......we will just keep living our lives until we have the baby." Now that we are in the "waiting" phase, I am not so sure. Right after we were posted on the Christian Homes and Family Services website, I constantly checked my phone and emails multiple times a day just to see if Christian Homes called.....JUST in case a family picked us right away. There was a sense of urgency to finish our home projects because "we had a baby coming!" 

It is an interesting comparison when they say "always be ready for a phone call but it could be a while before we call you." It's true but hard to handle. We are always supposed to be ready to drive to Texas but be patient for God's timing. Those concepts don't co-exist well! It's complicated, going through your everyday routines, engaging in work and continuing with your additional commitments while also wondering "when am I going to be a mom?" Don't get me wrong-the more we have gone through the adoption process, the more excited that I have become. I guess it comes with never really knowing when your life will change......When am I going to be a mom? When will we meet our birth mom? When will we get to introduce our baby to our family?" Adoptive moms, women who struggle with infertility.......our waiting feels more never-ending than short-lived. 

I write this to share what our waiting game looks like....hopefully I have touched on some of the feelings that some other adoptive moms felt (or are currently feeling)!! God is designing our family right now, and at some point he will bring our family together. We just don't know when that is. That brings anxiety, sadness, and longing but it also brings joy, closeness/increased trust with God, and belief in His promise to His people that He is faithful. 

So we continue our "constantly ready but ever patient" life. Because one day our question "When are we going to be parents?" will be the statement "Here is our baby!"

Legacy

Sorry that I haven’t blogged in a while…..after our yard sale (which we raised over $4,000 for our adoption!!) Joel and I dove into wrapping up the end of school. Now that we have finished school, we can spend some more time getting ready for the baby!

One of the things that has happened in our adoption journey is that one of our mentors, Tricia Lillard, passed away in May. This was devastating news as she had just returned home from a complicated procedure, and had picked up living life right where she had left off. Her death was unexpected. 

At first I was really upset (and angry). How can someone who literally lives and breathes Jesus in her life be gone? She, along with her family, have truly honored Jesus with their involvement in adoption and orphan care. They have mentored so many families in their adoption journeys and countless others through foster care. Out of all the people, why her?

Then I went to her celebration service. WOW. More funerals need to be like that. The entire celebration glorified God by discussing Tricia’s life. One of the songs has the phrase “running to Your arms” (talking about Jesus). She was a woman who truly sought Him in everything she did. Not only was it a celebration, it was a challenge to live life to the fullest through Jesus. We were all challenged to live on through her legacy-serving the fatherless, the orphans, and the needy.

You want to talk about a conversation starter! Are we truly living a life that at honors God’s command to serve these people? We know the legacy that Tricia gave to her family and to those who knew her. This is something that Joel and I have had to talk about…..what legacy do we want to leave for our family? What will it look like? How are we going to honor God’s commands with our family?

Joel and I are still figuring it out…..we will continue to shape and form our legacy for our family when we adopt and as we raise our children. I do know this-we have a great example through Tricia. We are so thankful for what she did for us and what she continues to do through her legacy. 

Feeling Alone

We are in full swing with the adoption. Several people have been asking me “How is the adoption going?” I have given answers that relate to the logistics of the adoption (i.e. paperwork, grants, etc) because that is what has consumed my life for 4 months. Very rarely have I really talked to people how the adoption is making me feel. So the title of this blog is “Feeling Alone.”

When we agreed to adopt, I knew that my experience would be different. However, I didn’t expect to feel this alone. I never realized how different of an experience adopting would be. It is very hard to explain to people how stressful it is to spend 4 months on paperwork, completely ripping apart our financial and spiritual history. As far as experiences go, I am creating an adoption photo album while other women are taking pregnancy photos, undergoing glucose tests, feeling their babies kick, etc. The experiences are vastly different, and I didn’t realize how much it would affect me.

Please hear me……I am not complaining. I am so excited for my friends and others who are having children. I can’t wait to see all of these new ones running around. I am also thankful that Joel and I are adopting (and for the support we have received). Even with all of the support, I have still struggled with being able to relate to others. So, I stopped talking about the adoption. I dove into the paperwork and logistical aspects of the adoption, isolating myself from people so I wouldn’t have to deal with feeling alone. I thought that if I controlled what I did and what I said, it wouldn’t be so bad.

I was wrong (as usual). A few years ago, I experienced some similar emotions of isolation (for different reasons) and God helped me realize that I need to be around people. I truly believe that God designed us to be relational and asks us to engage in community. By being isolated, I can’t receive strength from other people.

So I started talking about how I felt…I first told Joel, then my mom. I told my friend Meghan (love me some Meghan!!) and she was so supportive. I started to feel better. Then Jim (our youth minister at church) invited us to be prayed over at a prayer event that was geared towards those involved with foster care and adoption. I felt a little uncomfortable but said yes.

The elders and ministers at our church were great. There were others being prayed over and those who were there for support. It was such a big group of people that it made me come to terms with my isolation. I cried on the way home, telling Joel that I finally understood the difference between feeling “different” and feeling “alone.” The prayer time is just what I needed, and I didn’t even know it.

It is not wrong to feel “different.” Obviously I can’t relate to women who are dealing with nausea, stretch marks, and discomfort. Other people may not be able to relate to me with the paperwork, fundraising, or working with a birth family. BUT…….I am not alone. We have received so much support for the adoption, and I need to rest in the truth that in Christ we are never alone. He has put so many people in our lives to support us, and I need to embrace the support while recognizing that our family journey may look different. Over the past couple of days I have felt such peace about this, and I am so thankful!

My goal with this post was to educate those about one of the ways in which adoption can be hard. I also want to acknowledge that all families may not feel this way……this is our journey and what it looks like. But hopefully I shared some emotions that people can identify with.

We continue to ask for your prayers…..we definitely need it! We have gone through our home study process and been approved. All we need is to accomplish our fundraising goal, finish our adoption photo album, and write our birth mother letter AND WE CAN BE SHOWN TO FAMILIES!!! So much to do but it will go by so fast!!! Thank you everyone!!

March Update!! Home Visits, Fundraisers, with a little bit of orphan care info

Home Study: Things have been really busy around here! In March, we were really busy with home studies and our “Make a Difference with Mary Kay” fundraiser.  For those who are not familiar with adoption, an agency has to interview you to determine that you and your home is fit to have a child. These are some of the proofs that we had to show (either to AGAPE or to Christian Homes) before the home visits:

1. At least 6 hours each of parenting courses.

2. Documentation of CPR/First Aid (especially for infants)

3. Fingerprinting/Background Checks (in TX and TN)

4. Statement of Good Health from physicians stating that we were fit to be parents

5. SEVERAL references (evidently our references had to send at least 2) from a variety of ministry leaders, church members, and friends discussing our character and “potential parenting.”

6. Detailed information about family members

7. Detailed information about our financial history, medical insurance, life insurance, monthly budgets, savings/investments, etc.

Needless to say, after we completed this information for both CHFS and AGAPE (and that is not the complete list!) we were exhausted. Then we had to go through 4 home visits that reviewed topics such as marriage, parenting, future planning, finances, childhood, employment, etc. We have heard from others that they had marathon visits, but luckily our visits were anywhere from 45 minutes to a little over an hour. We were able to get these visits back to back, so it was good because we were able to do them quickly. However, it just made us more tired! Ha!

The visits were good in that they made us think about what we would need to do if something happened to either of us. For example, if I got pneumonia again, who would help Joel take care of our child if he is working full time/coaching? Also, we had to show them that we would comply with “childproofing” our house, so we had to follow guidelines regarding gun locks, smoke/carbon monoxide detectors, child locks, etc.

Grants: We are finished with the visits, so now we are waiting for approval. We should have our information by mid-April which is perfect timing for our grant applications. Due to the costs, we are fundraising in addition to writing for grants. You have to show an approved home study when you submit your grant, but you have to wait awhile to learn if you received the grant. So it is a big rush to get them done but then you have a 2-3 month waiting time. I am part of a facebook group for adoptive/foster families, and they have been a great resource for grants, fundraisers, etc.

Fundraisers: Our “Make a Difference With Mary Kay” campaign was awesome!!! We sold almost $1700 in retail, which is way more than I imagined. Depending on the final numbers, we raised between $650-$700 with this fundraiser. We are on our way to that $13,500 goal!!!

We still have our shirts for sale…..haven’t really talked about them lately. Our link is http://www.adoptionbug.com/shoresfamily/. There are some cute “family” Tshirts as well as Show Hope shirts.

We are having our garage sale on May 4^th. We are accepting donated items now……several of you have donated already. We are accepting just about anything, so let us know!

Several of you have expressed interest in ensuring that all of your donation goes directly to us, so you have taken advantage of the tax deductible option or just sent us money. That option is still available and would be happy to walk you through it.

Adoption/Orphan Care: I have had several people contact me in the past 2 months about adoption…..wanting to know more about it, thinking about doing it, or maybe adoption is the only way that married couples can start a family. No matter what you do, supporting orphans (some people would refer to them as the “least of these” or “the fatherless”) is asked of us by God. How you honor this call is a decision between you (or your family) and God. Each person is different, and those choices and decisions are very personal. Here are some of the ways in which you can do so:

1. support your local public adoption agency (ours is DCS) by offering to be foster parents. Encourage your church to initiate a relationship or partner with other churches to support DCS and those families through events (graduations, holidays, etc).

2. fund adoption grants (people like us need people like you!!!) We are sponsors of Show Hope who has adoption grants (www.showhope.org)

3. sponsor a child from an orphanage (my friend and sister sponsor a child from Ethiopia through Children’s Hope Chest (http://www.hopechest.org/)

4. love the children next door whose mom works 2 jobs just to afford rent. Those children need so much love and support (and so does that mom!)

5. adopt of course! :)

Our next blog will hopefully be about our adoption photo album. Have a blessed Easter!!

Lots of little (but big!) things

Life has been pretty big right now, so getting the opportunity to blog is few and far between. I am on spring break, so I thought this would be a great time to sit down and reflect on what has been happening the past few weeks!  

We accomplished so much in February that I was wondering how much we would get done in March. Well it has been off to a great start! We have been officially "cleared" from Christian Homes and Family Services to start our home study, and we submitted the paperwork to AGAPE Memphis to start the home study process today! If you ever feel the need to document your life, adopt a child. I have never had to document so much about my life EVER. I just submitted almost 75 pages worth of documentation to AGAPE this morning, so it definitely felt like another accomplishment! 

The "Make a Difference with Mary Kay" campaign is off to a great start. I have already sold over $1,100 which puts me closer and closer to my retail sales goal for the month. People who don't even order from me are placing orders just to help. Current clients are ordering 2x-5x as much just because they know my profits this month is going toward our adoption. It is an overwhelming but amazing feeling to know that people are helping every way that they can. Keep the orders coming!!! 

We have started to receive orders for T-shirts through our adoption bug website (last time it didn't show up well so here goes): 

http://www.adoptionbug.com/shoresfamily/

That has been fun to see "you have a sale" emails in my inbox! We receive a commission from all T-shirt sales. If you order a Show Hope shirt (Joel and I did!) a $1 from each of those sales goes to Show Hope-the colors turned out really pretty!

Several people have taken advantage of the tax-deductible donation option (contact me at lorishores@gmail.com for more details). Others have already pledged to donate items or money to our garage sale that we will be hosting May 4th. 

Basically what these past few weeks has shown me is that everyone has different gifts, different tastes, different loves. Everyone is supporting us in their own way (even if it is through prayer or just a really big hug when needed!!!) We are so thankful for family, friends, and even people we don't even know pledging their support in our journey. 

We have researched grant organizations as well and are now working under April deadlines to get everything submitted. We learned today that in order to be "marketed" as a potential adoptive family we have to have all funds available because we never know when we will be picked. We have heard families give testimonies about their wait time being only 1 day all the way to over 6 months. Anything is possible, so we just have to be ready! At least we have a room for the baby to sleep in!!! I keep calling it a "he".....wishful thinking :) One of my co-workers said "you want a boy so badly." I said "well yeah I do." She said "watch out God is going to give you a girl!" Ha!

If everything goes well with the AGAPE paperwork then hopefully we can get our first home study meeting set up sometime late next week!!! Wahoo!!!

God's Time

Guess who is finished with their first round of paperwork????? We are!!!! I cannot begin to describe what a huge relief this is. Trying to work full time (and at home), handle a business, volunteer with our church youth group, participate in additional events, complete adoption paperwork, and start fundraisers is not easy-I won't lie. Everyone has told me the cliche statement "It's all in God's time." My response was "thanks but no thanks...I am still frustrated!!!" But yes I swallowed my pride pill because this has what we have accomplished "in God's time": 

1. We have finished the paperwork needed for Christian Homes (excluding one line on one document but who is counting..I am celebrating now!)

2. We have already asked for the paperwork required for our home study (we are going through AGAPE). We have completed the majority of that paperwork as well. 

3. With the work of Miriam Upton (thank you thank you!!!) we have a Ebay store that is gaining momentum and items! You can go to  http://stores.ebay.com/Uptons-Front-Porch and look up the category "Shores Fundraiser." If you have any items that would be good to sell on Ebay and want to contribute an item to our store, let me know!

4. We have set up our T-shirt fundraiser through Show Hope/Adoption bug. I want to thank my grandmother for being the first person to buy T-shirts!!! Our website is www.adoptionbug.com/shoresfamily.

You will see a link to items along the top of our picture, but the only items that are directly associated with "our store" are the 6 shirts below our picture. We will receive a commission from each shirt that is purchased. We intentionally selected shirts with people in mind, so hopefully everyone will love them!

5. We have scheduled a Mary Kay fundraising campaign for March. For those local to Memphis, I am having facials/color consultations (all those who attend you will enter a drawing for a spa package!) I can also send facial packages to your home. For those who are current clients, feel free to stock up on all of your products! All profits will go toward our adoption. 

6. We have officially scheduled what we hope to be our biggest fundraiser-our yard sale. It is on May 4th. We are in desperate need of items!!! We welcome all donations :) Contact me at lorishores@gmail.com for questions. 

7. We have gained more information about grants that are available for adoption. As we said we are looking to raise the money that are directly associated with services for our birth mother, but that covers maybe 40% of the cost. So everyone out there-your money does mean something! Even $20 a month to an organization that funds adoptions helps those all over the world looking to provide a child a home. Keep your fingers crossed! Hopefully we can get the home study scheduled by mid-March...then again is that our time or God's time? Time will tell!!!! 

Thank you for your continued prayers!

"So How Are Things Going?"

This is a question that we have heard a lot lately....so many people (especially this week) have been checking in with us about how the adoption process is going. My answer has been "I am drowning in paperwork!!!" for a couple of weeks and now it is "we are almost finished with our first round of paperwork!!!" Everything lately has just been stemming around finishing this paperwork (for those who have adopted you know exactly  what I am talking about). So I haven't posted in a while because that is all I have been doing....working on paperwork, working on school work, working on the house, etc. So yes lately I have been a little self-absorbed and throwing a pity party for myself of how hard it is to get this done while working full time and having a husband who works and coaches. 

Then it hit me on Friday night....I don't know what it was....I didn't feel the greatest, kind of bummed, etc. Then I realized-this adoption is more than just "how are things going" with us. I thought "what if this was the day our child was conceived?" I got really excited. How beautiful of a moment to think that God is watching over our child and planning our family. Then I had another thought....what if this was the day that our mom found out she was pregnant? Is she alone...is she ok....is she contemplating abortion...I immediately became concerned and prayed for God to look over her. 

Not a "huge update" post, but just wanted to share the little "reminder" that I got today. This adoption is not just about us. God creates families, and ours will forever include birth parents (no matter their involvement, they will always be a part of us).  So to answer the question "how are things going" I pray they are going well...for all of us. 

Struggles/Support

This was a hard week for us..... I definitely had a breakdown this week with figuring out how we are going to get this done. When I tell people what we have to complete, yes it does sound like a lot. However it is so difficult to sit down and have time to complete all of these documents and provide proofs of everything that is needed. This week I became really discouraged about the whole process....my question was "why does all of this paperwork matter when God's restoration is at work?" 

Then it came to me. Christian Homes and Family Services makes it their mission to place every child in a Christian home. Also, they want to know EVERYTHING about us to ensure that our "match" with a birth mother is the best match. Bridging families for a lifetime is a delicate situation that requires a lot of love and care. So if they need to know where my grandparents went to school, so be it :) We don't want to miss out on an opportunity to be restored or bring restoration to a birth mother because we were too frustrated with completing the paperwork. 

So thank you God for working on my heart....definitely needed it. On top of that He definitely gave me some "breathing room" by helping me relax these past few days!

So how can you support us do you ask? 
1. Please pray for us. I used to think that this was the corny statements that Christians were supposed to say when they were going through difficult times. Now seeing how God has worked in our lives over the past 5 years, I don't use this statement lightly. Pray for the process, pray that our "match" is an awesome one, and that God will be glorified. 

2. We are also in need of resources. Thank you to everyone who has pledged their help with their contacts in Texas or with assistance within their trade. For example, because of connections at our church, we were able to receive fingerprinting services. We also have received advice from those who have adopted before. Talking with those who have walked this journey has brought us peace, understanding, and knowledge. 

3. Finances. For those who don't know about adoptions, adoptions are EXPENSIVE. Oftentimes, the organization actually bears the brunt of the cost and the adoptive families bear a percentage of the fees. In our case, we are paying roughly 40% of the cost. How much is it? Including extra expenses incurred with processing, taking classes, estimated travel costs, our cost will be around $30,000. So yes we will be fundraising as this can expected for those who adopt. We are looking to raise enough money to pay our "match/placement" fee-almost all of this fee goes to services for the birth mother (grief counseling, medical services, caring for her fees if she stays in the apartments on campus, additional support services etc). This fee will be between 12,000-13,000 (depends on how they look at our taxes).

4. Fundraising/Support: We are hoping to launch 2 fundraisers in February. We are launching an Ebay Store (with the assistance of Miriam Upton!!!). If you have any items that you would like to donate, please contact me at lorishores@gmail.com. We are also selling T-shirts. Our T-shirts will advertise an orphan care/adoption ministry organization called Show Hope (www.showhope.org). This organization supports adoptions across the globe while also providing medical care to orphans with special needs in China. We are sponsors for Show Hope, so we wanted to raise awareness for them as we are fundraising. All proceeds from these fundraisers will go to our adoption. We are excited about these shirts and the opportunity to showcase Show Hope! Information about how to order T-shirts is coming. 

We also will have a "Make a Difference with Mary Kay" challenge in March where all of my Mary Kay profits in March will go to our adoption. We will also have a yard sale in the spring. For those who are interested in tax-deductible donations, you can contact me at lorishores@gmail.com. I will walk you through the process. 

Long blog....sorry! Still getting the groove for everything. Can't wait to tell everyone when we are finished with the paperwork!!!!

Orientation

When you adopt through Christian Homes and Family Services, you are required to attend their orientation. We traveled to Arlington TX to attend a two day orientation. Thankfully, we had family in the area that were wonderful hosts! It was great to visit with family and save a little on our weekend expenses! 

We met several staff members from CHFS and other potential adoptive families on Friday. We underwent a crash course in the "administrative" aspects of the adoption. For some reason I wasn't worried going into the weekend about the paperwork-there is a part of me that enjoys documentation, paperwork, etc. However, when people say adoption paperwork is overwhelming THEY ARE NOT KIDDING! We have to complete at least 20 documents (some of these are 10 pages or more) as well as providing at least 15 "proof of" documents before we can even be approved to schedule a home study. WOW. I thought I could have this paperwork done in 2 weeks...I was definitely wrong! 

Saturday was the day that impacted both of us the most. This is the day in which we heard from those who were adopted (these women were in their 20s and were able to share their stories), birth mothers, and adopted families. I never realized what I really thought about the adoption process and those involved until I attended. Through CHFS and the people associated with them, God revealed to us what He can do through an adoption: encourage a mom who is contemplating abortion, show God's love to the broken, mend hearts by having a common love for a child, and so much more. Every single testimony touched our hearts, and we were so thankful that God showed us what adoption can really be about. He calmed our fears/questions about open adoption and helped us realize what we can expect. He also helped us realize that we need to trust Him with the unexpected. Adoption can be an awesome way for God to work and show His love and grace to everyone involved. It can also be a way in which Satan can take advantage of sensitive situations and fragile hearts. As we go through this process, we pray that we can recognize and embrace God's faithfulness. We ask that you join us in prayer.....we are going to need it! 

Hopefully we can get this paperwork tackled soon. Several people have already asked how they can support us in our adoption. Our next post will focus on some of these questions.... 

Have a great week!

Our Beginning

Wow. Never thought I would ever start a blog. EVER. 

Goes to show you how my brain works...in attempting to set up this blog, I evidently set up my Google profile instead. Huge call of love to my sister-in-law Bev for helping me get this set up!

When people found out that we were adopting, several people asked us to write a blog or a newsletter because they wanted to be kept in the loop. Since Christian Homes and Family Services wants us to do outreach through social media, everything seemed to fall into place!

Joel and I have always discussed adoption. With Joel having Type One diabetes, adoption always seemed to work itself into our conversations even before we were married. Joel was very familiar with adoption through his family and friends, but I wasn't as familiar with the process. I joined our adoption/orphan care ministry "Handprints" at our church to find out more of what adoption would look like....but I even said "I will be a part of this ministry as long as it means I don't have to adopt." God has always had a sense of humor!

We had actually decided to pursue having biological children. However, in November 2012, Joel told me he wanted to adopt. I immediately had a hard time with it-I wasn't ready and knew it. I told him I needed some time to think about it because I didn't know how to handle it. A week later, I was attending a church retreat with our youth group. Through the events, God put adoption on my heart. I felt like God had reached into my heart, broke it, and put his blessings into it. I sobbed myself to sleep that night praying for God to give me peace. I knew he was telling me that adoption is what we should do, but I still wasn't ready. Now I feel convicted that God has blessed our adoption and will remain with us always. 

What is ironic is that God had always revealed His journey and His path to us no matter what we have decided (which is why the description of our blog is "He holds us in His hands"). Now looking back over the past five years, I see God's hands over our lives as he was preparing us to adopt. Especially for me, the trials and spiritual struggles that I experienced was just a way for Him to help me grow and become open to adoption. Joel's experiences in his life and through our marriage has made his love for God, me, and others grow. 

If you had told me that 1) we would adopt 2) I would ever talk about my spiritual life or God like this 3) I would be blogging about it.....I would have told you that you were CRAZY. But here we are, in His hands, looking to start our family with His blessing. 

This is our Beginning.