Let Go and Let God Work

Let Go and Let God Work

June 16^th was the day we got “the call”-the call that all adoptive families want. We finally heard “a birth mom has picked you.” The next day, we were given information about our birth mother and the situation surrounding the pregnancy. We were asked to come meet her in Texas the next week. 

Nothing can really prepare you for those meetings. All you can do is pray-and ask others to pray with you. Adoption is such an emotionally dynamic experience. You never know what to expect.

Joel and I met our birth mom at our agency’s office in Texas. We were all really nervous and on edge, but God worked on all of our hearts. Our birth mom was constantly focused on our needs and Benjamin’s needs. We were blown away by her compassion and her willingness to include us in all of the “firsts” with Benjamin in the hospital. Tears started to flow, and words of encouragement were spoken by everyone. After we met her, we knew that this was what God wanted. He provided the peace that we needed to move forward.

Our birth mother was having some pre-labor signs, so we made our second trip to TX two weeks later. She was given fluids and sent back home, so we came back! It gave us more time to get our affairs in order. We received another call July 10^th, telling us she had been admitted. The medical personnel confirmed that they would deliver the baby. We drove through the night to get to the hospital. Benjamin was born at 2:24 a.m. on July 11^th. We arrived at the hospital at 5:30 a.m. We couldn’t see Benjamin or our birth mother yet, so we rested until we were asked to come to her room. The moment in which we met Benjamin was so precious. Our birth mother offered him to us, and all of us spent time talking about him…..how long his feet and fingers were, how little his body was, and how he was so beautiful!

The next two days, we co-parented with our birth mother. All three of us shared time loving and caring for Benjamin. She was such a blessing from God; she wanted us to be with him throughout the 48 hour waiting period. That being said, those two days were some of the most beautiful, nerve-wracking, and anxiety-driven days of my life. Nothing was in our hands; everything was in God’s hands. We had a good relationship with our birth mother, but she was still his mother. It was her decision as to who would be his parents. We had to let go of what we wanted and let God work in the lives of all of us.

The day of the signing came. After navigating through some paperwork and working with the hospital, it was final-we could leave the hospital with our son! Joel, Benjamin, our caseworker, and I all gathered in our birth mother’s room to say good-bye. After praying prayers of blessings over each other, we left. There were so many emotions: excitement, anxiety of the unknown, pain, grief/loss over leaving our birth mother behind, and fear-we had a baby!!!

God didn’t have to do this, but He revealed His plan and His timing since the day we received the first phone call. When you are involved with trying to start a family for over 2 ½ years, it is hard to keep the faith. We were surrounded by family, friends, and our Church community who walked with us the whole way. When we were able to come home with Benjamin, it was a celebration for everyone-not just us. This experience has forever changed us. Adoption is not just about growing your family; it’s about engaging others with love, patience, and self-control that only God can provide. We are forever thankful of the lessons that God taught us, and we can’t wait to see what God has in store for Benjamin as we move forward.

We have to follow up with some post-placement commitments. Hopefully we can finalize our adoption in court before the end of the year. Until then, we are diving into parenthood and taking care of a newborn!

Thank you for all of your support!

We Will Be Faithful In the Waiting

“We Will Be Faithful in the Waiting”

Numb.....Angry....Hopeful.....Longing.....Excited.....Thankful....

Sad....Expectant....Distant from God.....Floating....Prayerful to God....Crying.....Isolated....STUCK

This May, we would have been in the adoption process for two and a half years and “waiting” for two of those years. So many people have asked us this question “So have you heard anything?” I love and hate this question. I love it because it lets me know that people really do care about what is going on in our lives. I hate it because I have to continue to tell people “We are stuck.”

Mother’s Day, albeit a great day to recognize moms and all of the other women who have taken us in as their children, is a day that reminds me how I haven’t started my family yet. Originally, when we started the adoption process, I embodied the whole “I am a mom that is planning to have a child.” Now, the way I (and Joel) feel about our adoption process is like this list….and several of these emotions could occur in the same day.

People want to help us, so they try to tell us things that will make us feel better. Don’t get me wrong-I am not angry about this….there are plenty of times in which I have said the wrong thing at the wrong time, so I need grace just like the next person.

These are some of the things we have heard:

1. Don’t lose hope-just be faithful

2. It’s God’s timing.

3. Well it could take a while right?

4. Other people have waited too.

5. Just be patient-God’s going to give you that baby.

This is the problem-we know the truth. We are so keenly aware of it that it makes our reality so much more painful. We know that God is going to design our family in a way that will glorify Him. We know that we will at some point start our family. The reason why those statements are, at times, painful is because we don’t need a reminder about what God can do….we need a healthy space to confess that we are struggling with it. We need people to help us stand in that gap between the truth and the reality because standing in that gap by ourselves is a lonely place. And when we struggle with these statements, we then feel guilty because “hey if our faith and trust in God was stronger, we wouldn’t be struggling.” It makes us question our Christianity, if we are “good” Christians, or if we are just weak and should stop whining and deal with it. We understand that we aren’t the only ones hurting right now about a life situation. 

One of the reasons why we have been able to walk in this journey is because so many people are standing with us. What has meant the most to us have been statements that include the pronoun “we” and the conjunction “with.”

“We are praying with you.”

“We are hurting with you.”

“We can’t wait until you get your baby so we can love it too.”

My friend Kayci sent me a facebook message Saturday night, letting me know that she was thinking about me because of Mother’s Day. Something that she said really stuck with me. “I pray alongside you that you’ll receive a baby, but until that day we will be faithful in the waiting.”

God’s awesome right? Remaining faithful is a weekly struggle for us. What a reminder. Knowing that there are those who will stand alongside us, help us remain faithful, and may possibly even struggle with us is HUGE.  Several people have reached out to me and Joel regarding Mother’s Day, checking in on us, posting on Facebook (gotta love my sister)! We are thankful for the love and support of our family and friends. EVERY positive, supportive, prayerful, “feel free to vent because I love you anyways and won’t judge you” moment is appreciated and welcomed.

For people who are going through this journey alone, I have no idea how you do it. That’s God-sized love for people to step into our mess, help us walk through it, and love our baby with us (possibly even before God has created it). What helps us get through this journey is people sharing this God-sized love with us.

One of the things I have heard from people is “I want to help those who are adopting and fostering but I don’t know what to do.” Here’s the “short and skinny” advice-Engage in their lives, get to know them, and walk life with them. Stand in the gap with them so when people like us are struggling you are there to help them walk down the path. Help them keep the fight, run the race, and be faithful even in the face of emptiness. 

Last Mother’s Day was really hard for us. We had just had a failed opportunity for a match. I couldn’t really look at Facebook for 3 days because I knew everyone would be posting pictures of their families….when I didn’t have one. I had a hard time talking about it because I couldn’t emotionally convey how hurt I was about a child that I had already grown to love. I knew that I would never be able to share that love with that little girl because she had awesome parents who will do that for her.

This Mother’s Day was sad, but it was easier. It’s because God has given us strength through the love of others. It’s because the longer we are in this journey, the more support we get. Our strength grows as our circle of support widens.

Until the day we start our family, “we will be faithful in the waiting.”