We are in full swing with the adoption. Several people have
been asking me “How is the adoption going?” I have given answers that relate to
the logistics of the adoption (i.e. paperwork, grants, etc) because that is
what has consumed my life for 4 months. Very rarely have I really talked to
people how the adoption is making me feel. So the title of this blog is “Feeling
Alone.”
When we agreed to adopt, I knew that my experience would be
different. However, I didn’t expect to feel this alone. I never realized how
different of an experience adopting would be. It is very hard to explain to
people how stressful it is to spend 4 months on paperwork, completely ripping
apart our financial and spiritual history. As far as experiences go, I am
creating an adoption photo album while other women are taking pregnancy photos,
undergoing glucose tests, feeling their babies kick, etc. The experiences are
vastly different, and I didn’t realize how much it would affect me.
Please hear me……I am not complaining. I am so excited for my
friends and others who are having children. I can’t wait to see all of these
new ones running around. I am also thankful that Joel and I are adopting (and
for the support we have received). Even with all of the support, I have still
struggled with being able to relate to others. So, I stopped talking about the
adoption. I dove into the paperwork and logistical aspects of the adoption,
isolating myself from people so I wouldn’t have to deal with feeling alone. I
thought that if I controlled what I did and what I said, it wouldn’t be so bad.
I was wrong (as usual). A few years ago, I experienced some similar
emotions of isolation (for different reasons) and God helped me realize that I
need to be around people. I truly believe that God designed us to be relational
and asks us to engage in community. By being isolated, I can’t receive strength
from other people.
So I started talking about how I felt…I first told Joel,
then my mom. I told my friend Meghan (love me some Meghan!!) and she was so
supportive. I started to feel better. Then Jim (our youth minister at church)
invited us to be prayed over at a prayer event that was geared towards those involved
with foster care and adoption. I felt a little uncomfortable but said yes.
The elders and ministers at our church were great. There
were others being prayed over and those who were there for support. It was such
a big group of people that it made me come to terms with my isolation. I cried
on the way home, telling Joel that I finally understood the difference between feeling
“different” and feeling “alone.” The prayer time is just what I needed, and I
didn’t even know it.
It is not wrong to feel “different.” Obviously I can’t
relate to women who are dealing with nausea, stretch marks, and discomfort.
Other people may not be able to relate to me with the paperwork, fundraising,
or working with a birth family. BUT…….I am not alone. We have received so much
support for the adoption, and I need to rest in the truth that in Christ we are
never alone. He has put so many people in our lives to support us, and I need
to embrace the support while recognizing that our family journey may look
different. Over the past couple of days I have felt such peace about this, and I am so thankful!
My goal with this post was to educate those about one of the
ways in which adoption can be hard. I also want to acknowledge that all
families may not feel this way……this is our journey and what it looks like. But
hopefully I shared some emotions that people can identify with.
We continue to ask for your prayers…..we definitely need it!
We have gone through our home study process and been approved. All we need is
to accomplish our fundraising goal, finish our adoption photo album, and write
our birth mother letter AND WE CAN BE SHOWN TO FAMILIES!!! So much to do but it
will go by so fast!!! Thank you everyone!!
